20 Years Of Live Wrestling – Part I – From Kwang to Lionheart…

…. and 85 stops in between.

During my 20 years going to live pro wrestling shows, I have seen an awful lot of Britain, and of course, I have seen Japan. I have been to a variety of shows from tiny shows in sports halls and community centres to arena shows on Pay Per View with title changes and tournament finals, from a huge variety of companies across 87 separate wrestling shows. What follows is not intended to be a full documentation, just a flavour. I will start with a brief look at certain milestone shows and some of the places I have been, athletes I have been to see, and what kind of matches I’ve seen them contest and for what honours.

THE FIRST SHOW
FRIDAY 25TH MARCH 1994 * WWF EUROPEAN TOUR * TELFORD
(1) Kwang pinned Koko B Ware after a spinning heel kick.
(2) Earthquake pinned IRS after the Earthquake.
(3) Diesel pinned 1-2-3 Kid after a big boot.
(4) Bam Bam Bigelow pinned Tatanka with a schoolboy (Tatanka was distracted by IRS).
(5) Jeff Jarrett pinned Doink with a schoolboy.
(6) WWF Tag Team Champions The Quebecers beat Men On A Mission.
(7) WWF Champion Bret “Hitman” Hart pinned Owen Hart with a small package.

Yes, I have this program. Blokes on the cover were on the German leg of the tour.

The show was a mere five days after WrestleMania X, which I had not seen yet due to not having borrowed the tape from my friend with Sky yet. I knew very little about what I was going to get to see, other than it was the WWF and it was in Telford. To this day, I’ve yet to have a reason to return to Telford. By the by. In the queue to get into the building, my old man kept my expectations in check by telling me “It probably won’t be anyone you know off TV.” It wasn’t an intentional ruse, that was just his nature. I heard another child refer to Owen as being “flukey” and suddenly guessed that he must have beaten his big brother at WrestleMania. I was quite upset. Upon buying the program, I was thrilled to see that all the major stars were on the European tour, and I wondered who I would get to see. During the undercard my personal memories are the shock I felt when I saw Tatanka pinned – to my knowledge at the time, only Ludvig Borga had done that – and my old man’s reactions. He couldn’t believe how tall Diesel was, and when Luna Vachon came out with Bam Bam he exclaimed “What the hell is that?” When the main event was announced as for the belt, I got excited. I didn’t know who the champion was after Mania. When Owen Hart came out as the challenger, my 11 year old brain rationalized that he probably wasn’t wrestling Luger or Yokozuna. Sure enough, my hero came out with the belt around his waist, and I went crazy like only hyperactive children do. I still treasure the memory.

THE COMPANIES
I have been to see a myriad of companies over the years, and without doubt I have watched every promotion I’ve ever been passionate about and followed religiously. I have placed in brackets the amount of times I have seen each promotion, in bold the five companies I have seen most often.

The American Feds
WWF/E (4), WCW (1), TNA (10) ROH (4)
The Japanese (Male) Feds
New Japan (11), All Japan (2), Pro Wrestling Noah (4), Zero-One (3), Dragon Gate : UK (9), DDT (1)
The Joshi Feds
Wave/ZABUN promotions (3), JWP, Stardom, Ice Ribbon (1 each)
The British Feds
PCW (10), 1PW (9), IPW:UK/Rev Pro (2), FWA, FCW, AWW, FutureShock, Pro Wrestling EVE (1 each) One-Off Supershows (6)

THE TENTH SHOW
FRIDAY 6TH JANUARY 2006 * 1PW NO TURNING BACK NIGHT ONE * DONCASTER DOME
(1) Jerry Lynn pinned Petey Williams.
(2) Spud pinned Elix Skipper.
(3) Masato Tanaka vs Steve Corino went to a no contest.
(4) Southern Comfort beat Al Snow & The Blue Meanie.
(5) Jeff Jarrett pinned Harry Smith.
(6) Low Ki won a triangle match over Jonny Storm and Jody Fleisch.
(7) Sterling James Keenan pinned Ulf Herman.
(8) Darren Burridge pinned Doug Williams.
(9) AJ Styles won a four-corners over Chris Daniels, Samoa Joe and Charlie Haas.
(10) Abyss pinned Sabu in a no-disqualification match.

AJ Styles takes flight in the four-way. He was always Donny’s favourite.

After several years of dipping in and out of going to wrestling, 1PW was a fed that captured the imagination purely down to its combination of loads of imports and affordable tickets. This business model soon fell apart and once AJ and friends stopped coming over, I lost a lot of interest because they hadn’t done enough with the British guys to keep me interested – something which PCW so spectacularly get RIGHT these days. The cheapest tickets at the Doncaster Dome up in the balcony were actually my favourite, the view wasn’t bad and you got to harass people blatantly lost looking for the roller disco. No, I’m not making that up. The card here was ridiculous fun in a “something for everyone” manner – Bret Hart was the special guest and introduced the Baby Bulldog as Jarrett’s “mystery opponent” which went down a treat with patriotic Yorkshiremen who did not seem too keen on the then-NWA World Heavyweight Champion. The main event was chaotic without being messy, and Sterling Keenan (now Corey Graves) was a great heel that I really took to booing, despite not knowing who he was previously. This was 1PW’s second ever show, and for a while, they really had something special going on.

THE PLACES
Here are the towns and cities, small and large, that I have watched pro wrestling in during the 87 shows.
England
Manchester, Liverpool, Birmingham, Nottingham, Preston, Coventry, Oxford, Preston, Stockport, Morecambe, Doncaster, Wolverhampton, Telford, Stockport, Castleford (Yorkshire), Hoddesdon (Hertfordshire), St Ives (Cambridgeshire), Gornal (West Midlands)

– The biggest arenas being the NEC and the NIA (both Birmingham), the Manchester Evening News Arena, and the Coventry SkyDome, all for some of the bigger shows you could see in England since 1994 – TNA, Pro Wrestling Noah, the WWF One Night Only PPV. The smallest being the Baggeridge Social Welfare Club in Lower Gornal which amounts to little more than a bar with a ring put up. But hey, even there I saw someone that made it to international TV, (now Rockstar) Spud. I actually had a pint, ciggy and packet of scratchings with him after the show, and I told him who I thought was going to win every match in the 1PW title tournament the week after, from first round through to final. “You’re not far wrong” were his exact words. I wasn’t even slightly wrong, as it happened.
Japan
OK, so you wouldn’t get much joy from “Tokyo, Yokohama, Warabi” so here are the actual buildings, for anyone that may be interested :
Korakuen Hall – Dome City, Bunkyo, Tokyo
Ryōgoku Kokugikan (a/k/a Sumo Hall) – Sumida, Tokyo
Yoyogi National Stadium Gymnasium 2 – Shibuya, Tokyo
Shinjuku FACE – Kabukichō, Shinjuku, Tokyo
Shin-Kiba 1st Ring – Kōtō, Tokyo
Yokohama Bunka Gymnasium (a/k/a Cultural Gynasium) – Yokohama, Kanagawa
Warabi Dojo (a/k/a Isami Wrestle Arena) – Warabi, Saitama

Shin-Kiba 1st Ring… not without its charm.

A packed house at Sumo Hall (13,000 capacity) can’t be beaten, and my memory of going to Gas Panic in Roppongi after far too many mojitos with my host and friend Sean, the incredible superfan Tsukasa Kojima and the then-JWP Openweight Champion Hailey Hatred, will be with me forever, but an equally memorable time were my trips to probably the smallest venue, Shin-Kiba 1st Ring. Essentially a disused warehouse by the side of the road, a two minute walk from the train station in an industrialized dump of a town (the only part of Tokyo I’ve ever seen litter strewn on the pavement), the place has a certain charm for wrestling. Incidentally one of my YouTube videos is one of the first things that appears if you Google image search the place. A journey to see Pro Wrestling Wave was especially notable because spotting a six-foot Westerner in the queue – the only one in a crowd of 191 fans – they stuck a camera in my face and interviewed me through an interpreter. A pretty, female interpreter who insisted on giving me a hug and posing for a photo, which was nice. They were surprised to learn I wasn’t that interested in the ongoing London Olympics, despite the fact I had flown 6000 miles to watch pro wrestling in their country instead! The second time I went to 1st Ring was no less memorable, for DDT’s “Beer Garden Fight 2013,” which featured a beer tent and barbecue, where despite the extortionate mark-ups, I doubt I’ve ever drank or eaten that much during a show before, or since. I’ve never had my sausages cooked by the roster anywhere else either.

THE TWENTY-FIFTH SHOW
THURSDAY JUNE 12TH 2008 * TNA UK TOUR * LIVERPOOL OLYMPIA
(1) World X Champion Petey Williams won a triangle match over Jay Lethal and Sonjay Dutt, pinning Lethal after the Canadian Destroyer.
(2) James Storm & Awesome Kong beat Doug Williams & Gail Kim, Storm pinning Williams after a superkick.
(3) Abyss pinned Rhino after the Black Hole Slam.
(4) A.J. Styles pinned Bobby Roode after the Styles Clash.
(5) World Tag Team Champions Homicide & Hernandez beat The Motor City Machine Guns, Homicide pinning Shelley after an Ace Crusher off Hernandez’ shoulders.
(6) World Heavyweight Champion Samoa Joe beat Booker T by submission to the Kokina Clutch.

TNA at the Liverpool Olympia. A great venue for wrestling, they did it up quite nice.

This was the first of four nights of TNA’s very first tour of Britain, which I attended three of, and started a run of going to see TNA every year they came over, until a depleted roster and my apathy towards their product made me stop in January of this year. Though an injury to Kurt Angle was terrible timing, I was nonetheless thrilled to see AJ again after two years without, a recurring theme of “go to a show, Doug’s there” continued with the news that he’d actually signed a TNA deal, and even though this show wasn’t quite as good as the next night’s in the same building (blame jetlag I guess) there was still an impressive “balls to the wall” showing in one match, sparked by the effort of two guys – The Motor City Machine Guns. I genuinely don’t think those two guys differentiate between a “house show” and any other card, and as good as their match here with LAX was, their opener the next night with Petey Williams and Sonjay Dutt was even better. True high octane stuff.

“Doug’s There….”
I have alluded to it above, but I think I need to point out just how remarkable it is that whenever I seem to go to any promotion long enough or almost any foreign promoter touring, over the last ten years at least I can always rely on seeing one face – Doug Williams. The guy is absolutely everywhere. He’s the most ubiquitous wrestler of all time.

• Alex Shane organizes a supershow or a big intercontinental tournament which I attend – Doug’s there.
• 1PW create a roster that mixes homegrown talent with expensive imports – Doug’s there.
• Ring Of Honor make their international debut in England – Doug’s there.
• IPW:UK stage “IPW vs The World” with homegrown vs imports – Doug’s there.
• TNA make their UK debut – Doug’s there.
• Pro Wrestling Noah stage THEIR first show in Europe – Doug’s there.
• A mix of British, European and American stars come to Wolverhampton for Indypendence Day – Doug’s there.
• 1PW reboots again and runs Liverpool – Doug’s there.
• I check out PCW for the first time – Doug’s there. Winning their Heavyweight title, no less.
• Rev:Pro bring over Jushin Liger and build a show around him – Doug’s there.

The only decent-sized promotion that uses local talent and have ever come over and failed to use Doug has been Dragon Gate – and that’s kind of understandable given their style. Otherwise the message is clear – in Britain? Need wrestlers? Call Doug. Of the 87 shows that made up my first twenty years as a wrestling fan, Doug Williams was on exactly 30 of them, making him the wrestler I have seen wrestle the most – by a CONSIDERABLE margin.

TNA in Liverpool : Gail Kim looks surprised to see Doug. I wasn’t.

Note – I’m going to 4FW’s World Cup in October, three nights in Swindon, Bristol and a TBA venue, a mix of American, Japanese and homegrown guys. Doug’s there.

THE FIFTIETH SHOW
FRIDAY 21ST OCTOBER 2011 * DRAGON GATE UK INVASION 3 * BROXBOURNE CIVIC HALL
(1) Akira Tozawa pinned Dragon Kid with the Package German Suplex. (12:21)
(2) Gamma pinned Naoki Tanizaki with the Gamma Special. (13:10)
(3) Mark Haskins, Marty Scurll & Lion Kid beat CIMA, BxB Hulk & Naruki Doi, Scurll pinning CIMA after a Back Buster. (16:59)
(4) Susumu Yokosuka pinned Masato Yoshino with a Jumbo No Kachigatame. (18:43)
(5) Shingo Takagi pinned Pac after Made In Japan. (21:16)

DG:UK in Broxbourne : Shingo has “The Man That Gravity Forgot” in trouble.

This was the first show I went to after I had got back from my first trip to Japan, and I had wondered if anything could ever come close to that experience again. While nothing domestic has really ever touched the emotions of seeing Tetsuya Naito’s plucky campaign brutally ended by the imperious Shinsuke Nakamura in a packed and emotional Sumo Hall, I needn’t have worried that I wouldn’t enjoy other shows as much any more. Mark Sloan’s fabulous setup delivered in spades. I’m tempted to say that this show was only truly an appetizer for the night after which featured the staggering aerials of Pac vs Dragon Kid for the Open The Brave Gate belt and the epic rubber match between Shingo and Yokosuka, and that the “Pick Your Poison” nature of Shingo and Yokosuka’s matches on the night made it too predictable that both would win, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a blinding show.

THE GOLD

Apollo 55 successfully defend their IWGP Junior Heavyweight Tag Team Championship against the Golden Lovers, Sumo Hall, August 2011. Kenny Omega suffers the after effects of the Black Sunday. I was there.

Here is a nice little list of some of the more prestigious titles I’ve seen contested over the years, the asterisk indicating that I saw that title change hands. I’ve only gone for the biggest promotions and in the case of Zero-One, its biggest title, as it has a myriad of minor titles, mostly affiliated with the NWA. Maybe harsh since the match where I DID see the NWA United National Heavyweight title change hands was a really good one, but in the big scheme of things in terms of that particular belt… who cares, right?

WWF/E Championship, WWF Tag Team Championship, WWF European Championship*, United States Championship, World Cruiserweight Championship
WCW World Tag Team Championship
TNA World Heavyweight Championship, TNA World Tag Team Championship*, TNA X Division Championship, TNA Womens Championship, TNA Global Championship
ROH World Championship, ROH World Tag Team Championship*, ROH World Television Championship, ROH Pure Championship*
GHC Heavyweight Championship, GHC Tag Team Championship*, GHC Junior Heavyweight Championship, GHC Junior Heavyweight Tag Team Championship
IWGP Junior Heavyweight Tag Team Championship
AJPW Junior Heavyweight Championship*
Open The Brave Gate Championship
Zero1 World Heavyweight Championship*

It’s worth noting that the European title change I witnessed was when the title still had some prestige to it – Shawn Michaels upending Davey Boy Smith, which went on last at One Night Only ahead of the Hart/Undertaker WWF title match. I was privileged to see Minoru Suzuki & Naomichi Marufuji dethrone Doug Williams & Scorpio for Noah’s tag belts in – of all places – the Morecambe Dome, and I was in attendance at the Wulfrun Hall in Wolverhampton – of all places – when Takashi Sugiura pinned Kotaro Suzuki to draw level with Kenta Kobashi’s record for successful GHC Heavyweight title defences, a record of which he would surpass over in Oberhausen, Germany. Without doubt one of the most emotional title matches I saw was when Bryan Danielson defeated a bloody Nigel McGuinness in the Liverpool Olympia to unify the ROH World and Pure titles. Very visible on the DVD, when Dragon puts Nigel in Cattle Mutilation, you can see me put my head in my hands. Also, the emotions of wanting so desperately to see Austin Aries & Bobby Roode take the tag titles from Hernandez & Chavo, getting to see that match, AND it coming true – to a big pop – was a fantastic experience. That TNA’s shoddy sound engineering robbed the TV broadcast of ANY atmosphere from that match and moment is one of the many reasons I started to sour on them.

What an amazing moment : Aries celebrates the tag team title win like it matters. Oh, and spot me in the crowd.

In addition to these titles defended, I am particularly pleased to say I’ve seen three Fire Festival finals and three G1 Climax finals, which have been some of the best and more emotional matches I’ve ever seen, and since the passing of my 20th anniversary going to shows, I’ve also seen the NWA World Heavyweight title defended. In a leisure centre in Gloucester – of all places.

THE SEVENTY-FIFTH SHOW
WEDNESDAY 7TH AUGUST 2013 * ICE RIBBON #488 * ICE RIBBON DOJO, WARABI
(1) Neko Nitta & Meari Naito defeated Cherry & Kurumi (13:01) when Nitta used a Cat Space Nyan Revolution on Kurumi.
(2) Tsukushi defeated Risa Sera (06:01) with a Harukaze.
(3) Hikaru Shida wrestled Misaki Ohata (10:00) to a time limit draw.
(4) Hamuko Hoshi & Kasey Owens defeated Tsukasa Fujimoto & Miyako Matsumoto (12:06) when Owens used a cross legged ankle lock on Matsumoto.

Ice Ribbon good. Warabi, shithole.

One of my more interesting journeys brought up my 3/4 century of shows – a lengthy train ride unaccompanied into Saitama, then a ten minute walk down the side of the train tracks as the sun was coming down, in – let’s be fair – an utter dive of a suburb. What is there to see in Warabi? Car park, love hotel, car park, love hotel, car park, motorbike park, love hotel. And the Isami Wrestling Arena, which isn’t even as big as my bungalow. Pay hardly any money to see a little snapshot of what the roster can give you as they build to the next Korakuen show? Yes, please. The roster made you feel really welcome as they did everything from set up the ring, take your money for tickets, sell the merchandise and ring announce. They also shook every fan’s hand after the card and the dork in me felt a little weak in the knees shaking Shida’s hand, I won’t lie. I was a tiny bit disheartened that her match with Misakitty went to a draw, but it was a good match, and that kind of booking is to be expected when one of your aces wrestles a respected outsider. The other thing that fried my brain about this show needs a backstory – on a Joshi Facebook page I used to frequent, I had asked for directions to the dojo from the train station, and a German lad called Oliver replied and told me how to get there. So come show time I’m sat down minding my own, when another Western face comes up to me and says “Excuse me…. are you Steve Rich?” Of course, what had happened was that Oliver was attending the show himself, and seeing one other Western face in a room full of natives, put two and two together. Not understanding what was going on at the first, all I could think was “A complete stranger has recognized me. I’ve FINALLY made it. I’m internationally famous.”

THE WEIRD AND WONDERFUL MATCHES
I have seen some rather odd matches over the years. As well as your regular gimmick matches like cage, tables, gauntlet and best-of-three falls and your normal three, four, five and six-way matches, I’ve also seen the fabulously old-school “Brititsh Rules” round system, and the “losers wear a dress” stip, although I think Tracy Smothers enjoyed it rather too much. I’ve seen “Survival Of The Sickest” matches in 1PW that involved drawing pins and flaming tables, I’ve seen various different types of Rumble, I’ve seen Ayako Hamada wrestle Amazing Red in a believable match (and nearly beat him), and I’ve seen the Masterlock Challenge more than once. But the best wackiness, like in all walks of life, you obviously have to go to Japan. Japan, where in DDT I saw a four way dance between two men, a woman and a lad who thought he was a cat, where you could be eliminated by failing to down a beer at the same time as your opponents, and best of all, a best of three falls match for the Garter title, which is what it sounds – pull your opponents garter off to win a fall. After the match, the loser (Mio Shirai) was doused with Super Soakers by her stablemates. Obviously.

DDT Beer Garden Fight : the roster, “drunk.” Not many are pretending.

20 NOT OUT – THE 87TH SHOW
SATURDAY 1ST MARCH 2014 * PCW ROAD TO GLORY 2014 FINALS * EVOQUE, PRESTON
(1) Joey Hayes won a triangle match over Dave Rayne and Robbie X, making Rayne submit to a crossface.
(2) Chris Masters pinned Chris Hero with a victory roll cutback in the Semi-Finals of the Road To Glory Tournament.
(3) Dave Mastiff pinned Kris Travis after a cannonball in the Semi-Finals of the Road To Glory Tournament.
(4) ROH World Television Champion Tomasso Ciampa pinned Martin Kirby after Project Ciampa.
(5) Mike Bennett & Maria Kanellis beat Mad Man Manson & Danny Hope when Maria pinned Hope.
(6) PCW Tag Team Champions Team Single beat Battle Squad Awesome via combination powerbomb (Rampage) and flying elbow (T-Bone).
(7) Papa Shango pinned Bubblegum after a shoulderbreaker.
(8) Chris Masters beat Dave Mastiff by stoppage with the Masterlock to win the Road To Glory Tournament.
(9) PCW Heavyweight Champion Lionheart pinned AJ Styles with a schoolboy.

Maria Kanellis – a better worker than the Young Bucks. Nothing convoluted or hard to believe about her performances.

Just look at some of those names, and tell me that isn’t one of the most eclectic cards you’ve ever seen. ROH “serious wrestlers” mixing with Delicious Danny Hope, Mad Man Manson and…. Papa Shango. There is too much greatness here overall, although I particularly enjoyed T-Bone and Rampage (dirty Leeds!) squashing Battle Squad Awful like the pair of trampoline-troubling Pleather Clad Lads that I suspected them to be, then seeming to doze off during a dreadful taped promo from (then) ROH tag team champions reDRagon (yawn). Also, the mixed tag was one of the funnest experiences I’ve ever had as a wrestling fan, enhanced a little by me and Darren meeting Maria and Bennett that very morning over a Premier Inn buffet breakfast, And finally, one of the saddest and scariest experiences I ever had as a wrestling fan, as Lionheart tucked on a Styles Clash after escaping title intact and ended up with his neck broken in two places, casting a shadow over a match that had completely exhilirated me due to that most important element for a wrestling match for me – caring about who wins.

Tragic ending aside, the show was a complete triumph in the ring and a fitting bookend for twenty years of going to live wrestling events for your author. On the horizon I already have HXC for their combination card/WrestleMania party, more PCW, the WrestleMania Revenge Tour (Shield come over or I cry), and the aforementioned 4FW World Cup. Here’s to the next twenty years!

 

In Part II – a breakdown of my ten favourite matches I ever saw live, and brief notes of some of the ones hardest to cut.

 

The 1992 Royal Rumble…. definitely NOT fair to Flair.

Because it’s that time of year… I revisit my last review of THE 1992 ROYAL RUMBLE. You’ll probably only get a kick out of it if you’re already familiar with the time period. The best Royal Rumble of all time, and for my money one of the best matches of all time.

Be warned, the following review may not be fair to Flair.

I’m not even going to bother telling you what happened on the undercard, a) the Rumble is far too important to mess around with Beverly Brothers/Jameson shenanigans and b) if you haven’t watched this PPV before, I don’t like you enough to cater to your ignorance. Let’s just say the undercard is three quarters great and one quarter Bushwhackers and leave it at that.

The setup for the Rumble is the greatest ever. The 30 top guns (almost) in the WWF will compete for the WWF title. After a controversial title match between Hulk Hogan and The Undertaker at Survivor Series then an equally controversial rematch at Tuesday In Texas, President Tunney vacated the title. Some people might simply have ordered a rubber match between the pair, possibly in a cage, but where’s the fun in that? The first (obviously not last) Rumble to have a prize other than bragging rights, and the greatest roster of all time would compete for it. Other than kayfabe-ill Bret Hart and LOD who defended their gold earlier on (rats), all the heavy hitters are in. Obvious favourites are Hogan, Undertaker and the Real Worlds Champion, Ric Flair, as well as former champions Randy Savage and Sgt Slaughter, monster babyface Sid Justice and the devil incarnate, Jake the Snake, whose blistering rivalry with Savage is the hottest thing in the company.

By this point in the show Coliseum Video have already dropped a bollock by letting Flair tell us all he’s drawn number 3, probably doesn’t make much difference but always seemed weird, like Perfect ruining it that he was number 30 in 1990. The Brain is already working the drama going “oh my goodness, oh my God…. this is the big one. This is it” while Fink reads the rules. It only dawns on me now how annoying I find it these days that they feel like they have to clarify “the Royal Rumble match” rather than just “the Royal Rumble.” We’re just that stupid. Fink introduces “the esteemed president” of the WWF (his words), “on the take Tunney” (Brain’s words) to a chorus of boos. I find “Thank you Mr President” quite amusing from The Fink, I don’t know why.

Davey Boy is number one, billed as from Leeds where as far as I know, he never lived. G&B make references to Smithers’ big win at the Albert Hall in a similar match, God I love when they make something that happened over here seem a big deal. Ted DiBiase is number 2 and Sherri’s cleavage nearly makes me abandon the review and have a wank instead.

Brain concurs and says “look at them.” Ted has rotten luck again, what with drawing number 1 in 1990. They make reference to The Model holding the record, which we’ll come back to. It’s fun to see Bulldog in there with a name talent as opposed to a monster type or Skinner/Repo JTTS but it doesn’t last long as Smithers despatches Sherri’s “Teddy bear” shortly before the first countdown. As the Million Dollar Man walks back up the aisle, he crosses paths with number 3, who just happens to be Ric Flair.

Brain : “NO!!!! DAMN IT!!!”
Monsoon : “You can kiss it goodbye Brain! Never in the history of the Royal Rumble has anyone that has drawn numbers 1 through 5 and been there at the end! Watch your language.”

Coming out of Vince, that probably would have telegraphed the outcome. Then again, Vince would have gone ALL THE WAY and proclaimed “there is ZERO CHANCE Ric Flair will win this match! Hulkamaniacs, rejoice!” or some shit. Golden moment when in a recurring theme, Flair takes a pounding off Davey, press slammed and clotheslined before Nasty Boy Sags turns up as number 4.

Brain : “Let Sags do all the work!”
Monsoon : “Be objective here!”
Brain : “I told you to shut up!”

Davey takes no time alleviating himself of some of the stress by getting shot of Sags, and its back to him and Naitch. Brain : “THIS IS NOT FAIR TO FLAIR!” Haku is number 5 and he goes straight for Davey before turning his attention to Flair. Brain : “THIS ISN’T FAIR TO FLAIR!!!” Haku hits a savage piledriver to Bulldog then gets attacked by Flair. Brain : “Take it easy, Ric!” He starts wondering aloud why Perfect isn’t there to help Flair. “Come on Davey Boy! Get Haku!” Davey ducks under and sends Haku out as the countdown begins again. Brain : “It’s back to Bulldog and Flair! THIS ISN’T FAIR TO FLAIR, I keep telling you!”

The buzzer brings out the UTTERLY DESPISED Shawn Michaels, who wastes no time tackling his idol and hitting not-Sweet Chin Music-yet. Davey nearly gets Shawn out but he, as ever survives and superkicks Smithers too. Brain : “The roof’s starting to spin, I’m getting dizzy! Get me some water, get me something to drink!” Next up is El Matador. Brain makes me laugh by suggesting he has “as good a chance as anybody.” He goes straight for Flair until Michaels cuts him off. Brain : “Shawn Michaels is making guacomole out of El Matador.” LULZ. The heel/face dynamic takes hold, Flair fells Davey with a seldom-seen (then at least) uppercut to the gonads but then gets wiped out by the “Flying Jalopena” (sic). The buzzer brings out Barbar.

Monsoon : “Barbarian doesn’t like Flair…..”
Brain : “Barbarian doesn’t like anybody! When I managed him he barely like me!”

Flair tries unsuccessfully to blindside Tito as he tussles with Shawn, to no avail. Brain points out how many times Shawn has been out but managed to get back in. Texas Tornado is up next, and Flair is first to test his mettle. Of course, he gets a pounding then does a Flair Flop. Davey pounds Shawn with a standing clothesline and Shawn bumps like mad. Those two always had great chemistry. Flair ends up flat on his back getting more abuse from Tito. Repo Man is number 10 and I can’t believe a third of the field has been in already. The ring has three former Intercontinental Champions (remember, this is 1992 and that MATTERS), Flair and Von Erich of course being former NWA World Champions (1992, remember, THAT MATTERS TOO) and Shawn Michaels, destined for greatness.

Repo achieves nothing of note, and next is The Hammer, and the crowd goes mild. He goes straight for Flair and chops the fuck out of him. Brain alludes to there being four former WWF Champions still to come, and that feels like a big deal. Brain is verbally worried about Flair’s chances ; “We never expected he’d be jobbed like this.” Monsoon reminds Heenan of the statistical likelihood of him lasting to which Brain replies “Will you SHUT UP?? Shut up!!!!” The buzzer sounds again and out comes smiley, hand-slapping Nikolai Volkoff, to audible boos. That’s pretty funny. The ring is heaving, no one has been thrown for a while. Just as I say that, Repo dumps the Lithuanian as Valentine slaps the Figure Four on Flair which gets a minor pop.

Davey and Tito double up on Shawn, but he’s going nowhere. Next out the chute is THE BIG BOSS MAN, who wins the Rumble. The end. (Forum joke. Although, I think 2014 might be his year.)

As Boss Man hits Tornado then Barbar, Repo continues his admirable run of dumping failed babyfaces by tossing Valentine, but he runs foul of Boss Man who makes him serve hard time. By which I mean, tosses him out.

Brain : “I’m a nervous wreck! GET OUT OF THAT CORNER! I’ve got to go to ringside Monsoon!”
Monsoon : “You’re not going anywhere, you stay right here. Do your job.”

Monsoon points out Flair has been in for 20 minutes, and can’t even complete his thought as to how long Bulldog has been in as Flair dips a shoulder to eliminate Davey to a rather loud sad groan from the crowd. Tornado wonders in too close and Flair gives him the same treatment. That was pretty dumb, although Kerry did much dumber things just a few weeks later. Tito and Michaels manage to spill over the ropes together as the countdown starts again, and Hercules is next up. There is a temporary alliance between Flair and Barbar which Flair breaks, earning him ANOTHER press slam. Brain : “Take a hike! Take a hike!” Barbar tries to dump Flair but gets tossed from behind (oo-er) by Herc, who turns around into a Boss Man clothesline, leaving Flair alone with big bad Ray. Flair ducks a crossbody and Boss Man takes a nasty spill to the outside, clotheslining himself on the bottom rope. Flair is alone.

The buzzer goes off, and fuck the foreplay, here comes Piper! Brain : “Piper… could become…. World… Wrestling…. THIS IS NOT FAIR TO FLAIR!!!” Piper beats the shit out of Flair including a bulldog, a knee lift so hard he leaves his feet as though it were a dropkick, and then a backdrop. Brain : “Flair must have taken twenty-five backdrops today!” They fight outside and then back inside. This is the stuff Silvervision montages are made of.

Flair takes ten punches in the corner and an airplane spin, then ends up in the clutches of the sleeper. Up next the loudest boos for ages as Jake the Snake slithers in, and sits in the corner watching until Piper turns his back and attacks him. Brain : “Thank you Jake, THANK YOU!” Jake gives Flair a hand up, then short clotheslines him. Brain : “Why, you NO GOOD! It’s DEFINITELY NOT FAIR TO FLAIR!!” Jake forgets himself and works the crowd for the DDT attempt, broken up by Piper. Brain : “I never thought I’d say this but thank you Roddy. It’s a kilt. It’s not a skirt, it’s a KILT.” Flair puts Jake in the Figure Four but Piper breaks it up. Brain : “Why you no good creep! You skirt-wearing freak! It’s not a kilt, it’s a skirt!” Fuck me, this is brilliant.

Duggan breaks up the best two minutes of the match so far and goes straight to Flair. The crowd is batshit mental chanting “USA!” I’ll give it to Duggan, he was always over like Rover even if I thought he was shite. Brain is still complaining about the draw : “We were jobbed, Monsoon.” He then launches into one of the best soliloquys I’ve ever heard in a wrestling context, and if you weren’t a believer in Flair, he’s going to make you one :

“He’s the Real Worlds Champion as far as I’m concerned, no matter what happens here, you’ve got to admit that. Look at him, he’s still on his feet. He’s still going. He’s been slammed, he’s been press-slammed, he’s been backdropped, he’s been put to sleep, and he’s still fighting. Why? ‘Cause he wants it. He’s a champion. He’s what a champion is made of. There he is, man, a champion to the end.”

Duggan works over Flair in the corner. Brain : “Aww, this is not fair. THIS IS NOT FAIR TO FLAIR.” IRS is out next. Piper and Jake appear to either be strangling each other on the floor or else having a cuddle, and IRS goes straight for Flair. Flair escapes and tries to help Jake try and eliminate Piper. Duggan breaks it up with a textbook double noggin-knocker. Monsoon astutely points out that Jake gets paranoid with every buzzer, waiting for Macho Man. Apparently it’s 36 minutes for Flair. Snuka comes out next, and he’s still pretty over despite a couple of years of looking at the lights. Jake and IRS double team Piper, Snuka goes for Flair, Duggan takes a moment out in the corner to pose and shout “HOOOOO!!!!” Monsoon points out we still have four former World Champions and Sid left to come in, and that we’ve reached the point that Hogan and Undertaker received preferential treatment – as the two blokes involved in the controversial title switch, they were only able to draw from 20 upwards.

Undertaker comes out at 20 (raw deal there for the Dead Man) and gets some cheers, oddly. Taker throws Superfly out then gets blindsided by Flair. It doesn’t go well for Slick Ric. Brain : “What is WRONG WITH YOU, RIC?? It’s over, it’s over… everything down the toilet.” It’s weirdly refreshing to see Brain give up at this point rather than his usual insistence that everything will work out fine. Monsoon : “Flair has been in there for 42 minutes.” Brain : “Oh God….” Next buzzer brings out Savage but by the time he gets to the ring Jake has hidden under the ring. Taker intercepts Macho Man and beats him up until Jake comes back in. Savage rallies with an ax handle then knees Roberts in the back sending him out. Randy forgets what’s going on and leaps over the top rope to continue the onslaught.

Undertaker follows (between the ropes) and sends Randy back in, and they let it slide. Monsoon kayfabes that it’s the rules someone else has to throw you out, despite Andre being allowed to eliminate himself three years earlier. Well, when you’re in a corner I guess. Brain gives Piper credit for his showing given that he had wrestled already for the Intercontinental title earlier. Brain : “He just tried to pick up the Undertaker!” Novel excuse for a low blow, Bobby. One of my favourites, Berzerker, is next. Flair goes over to lay a beatdown on the already thoroughly knackered Savage. Christ, Randy always took a shitkicking. Brain : “Have you lost your mind? Are you nuts? Take it easy! Weasel your way out! I never thought I’d say this, but weasel your way out if you have to!”

Undertaker chokes the hell out of Piper as Monsoon points out Flair has passed the Valentine mark and he’s up to 46 minutes. Virgil comes out next and there is a smattering of boos. Hell, it’s New York, they know a loser when they see one. Brain : “Virgil entered at what, 23? I mean, who knows how many bags he’s been through in the back?” Monsoon : “Would you stop?” Virg starts taking a beating from Berzerker and Brain nearly has a heart attack when Undertaker goes back to choking Flair. Brain : “You’re going to have to kill him to get him out of this ring.” I’m starting to believe that upon my first viewing. “How long’s he been in there now???” Gorilla answers 47 and that he’s five minutes away from the record, if that matters. Col Mustafa is next and Gorilla quips “by the time he gets to the ring it’ll be time for another one.” Good old Sheik. Monsoon accidentally calls Flair “Martel” twice. Oops. Piper gives Flair punches in the corner as Undertaker watches, bemused. Savage, Piper, Flair and Undertaker all in the ring, this is fucking brilliant. The Model is up next and Monsoon is so impressed with Martel’s luck he busts out a “holy macro.” He also insinuates that if Martel lasts half as long as last year, he’ll win. Yeah, that’s exactly how it works. After a brief dalliance with Virgil, Martel gets attacked by the man in pursuit of his record, Flair. Monsoon mentions Martel’s record and that of Bushwhacker Luke for the shortest. Brain : “Who cares about Bushwhacker Luke??? How long’s Flair been in there now Monsoon??” I’m not sure why they had forgotten Warlord in ’89 but hey ho. At this point it feels like Savage has been abused for about ten minutes as Undertaker has him elevated, choking him overhead.

Buzzer goes…. SHIT’S ON!!!!! HERE COMES THE HULK!!!!!

Hogan goes straight for Taker and Flair at the same time, because that’s how he rolls. Brain goes insane and starts begging and pleading to nobody in particular. Maybe God :

“Please let him win it, please. I’m sorry for everything I’ve done, everything I’ve said. Please let him win it. I’ll never say anything bad again about anybody. Just let Flair win it. Just let Flair win it. I’ll be a different person, I promise ya.”

Hulkster clotheslines out Undertaker and backdrops out Berzerker within seconds which makes him look the complete boss that he always was and always will be. Duggan throws Virgil over but manages to stumble over himself like the uncoordinated goon he was. Skinner up next, and fuck me he looks out of place with the names in there right now. Hogan elevates Flair and Heenan is absolutely haberplectic. Brain : “I’ll behave, I’ll never do anything wrong again, JUST LET HIM STAY!” Monsoon is forced to admit “I said earlier on Brain no one picks numbers one through five and is still there at the end…. but we’re rapidly approaching the end, and Flair is still there!” Brain : “You know it’s not fair to Flair, but he’s still in there!”

Slaughter is up next and again there are boos. I don’t know whether this is just a marginally pro-heel crowd or whether some deeds just can’t be forgiven. Remarkable to think how over Sarge was as a face in the early 80s, I never found him likeable. Sarge goes right for Flair as Martel scores a victory for wrestling over brawling by dumping Skinner. GOOD. As a markish child, I hated his brand of cheating the most, especially when wrestling Bret. As Hogan and Piper have a little spat, Monsoon tells us Flair has secured the record. Brain : “Just give him the title, that’s good enough for me.”Sid comes out next to a good pop and he goes straight for Irwin who is sweatier than Typhoon’s gusset. Monsoon admits to Brain that Flair has proven himself a champion, then starts rambling about lactic acid, or something. It drags slightly here as a lot of the guys with stamina have been in a while and expended lots of energy. Piper, Irwin and Savage all look like death. Nearly time for number 30 already!

Monsoon : “It will be no surprise, it is the Warlord.”
Brain : “But you never know, you never know what Tunney and the WWF are going to pull on you.”
Monsoon : “It can only be one guy!”
Brain : “See, the Warlord! I told you!”

Nobody is really looking at Warlord, who goes right for Piper, as Flair and Hogan have gone to the floor and Hogan suplexes Slick Ric on the floor.

Justice turnbuckles Slaughter who does his trademark bump over and out, Christ knows how/why he kept doing that. Monsoon : “It’s been over an hour for Flair.” Brain : “That’s definitely not fair to Flair, to be there that long. No human being should have to go through this.” Piper eliminates IRS by the tie, which looks daft but gets a great pop. Hogan and Sid eliminate Warlord together and Monsoon does a rubbish job of acting shocked. Home straight now.

Sid pushes out Martel & Piper together to add to Slaughter on his tally. Sid scoops up Savage then Flair knees Sid in the back, the momentum sends Savage out. Bit of a low key exit for Randy, he’s mostly been battered throughout. Flair goes over and chops Hogan, who no sells it. Hulkster chops Flair, turnbuckles him hard, then tries to toss him. Justice creeps up and throws the Hulk over. The crowd pop louder than they should for this – yes, a large number of fans prefer Sid to Hogan, it seems. Hogan seems to stare at Sid for an eternity, shouting “you stole my belt!” Sid (rightly) replies “It’s every man for himself, big boy!” Wow, that came across a bit fairy. Sid stupidly incongruously lets his arm get too near and Hulk grabs it, trying to yank Sid out. Sid doesn’t really fight but holds his ground, until Flair takes his base out and tips him over, but make no mistake the bulk of the work getting Sid out once he’s in the air is done by Hogan. Justice hits the floor, and Flair is the winner.

The crowd go potty, and the Brain spooges all over the floor, Monsoon and himself.

” YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!!!!!!!!!!!
YES!!!!! YES! YES! YES! YES YES YES YES YES!
He did it! I told you Monsoon! I told you Monsoon! I told you! I told you!
YEEEEE-ES!!! YES YES YES YES YES YES YES!
YES, I told you! I told you!
He did it! He did it! I knew he’d do it! All you humanoids know…. I’m going to meet him.”

In my mind, I always hear Flair’s real music here, not his rubbish WWF NES game version. Flair scarpers pretty sharpish when Hogan gets back in the ring, ever the sore loser, and Flair retreats up the aisle with Perfect and the Brain, in glorious victory.

Back in the ring, Hogan has forgotten Sid.

The two RUNNERS UP get right in each others’ mugs and a swarm of refs and agents have to keep the muscle headed blond boys apart. Terry Garvin, Pat Patterson, Rene Goulet and Tony Garea are namechecked by Monsoon, both Hebners, Joey Marella and the ref whose name I never knew are not. Patterson is sporting trainers and a suit which is a hideous look for anyone, not just him. I expect to spot Shane, but don’t.

Yes, everyone is looking at the two in the ring, but Monsoon remembers what the REAL story is :

“Everyone in the world now knows what Ric Flair can do, what kind of man he is!”

Hogan sulks off, probably a bit pissed off the crowd isn’t unanimously backing him against Justice, as Sid hollers “I’ll kill ya!” O….K. Watching this back, it’s truly hard to believe that Hogan/Sid for ‘Mania VIII wasn’t the plan all along, so well set up it was. We’re backstage with Gene Okerlund and the whole gang, and fittingly one of the greatest matches of all time is bookended by one of the greatest promos of all time.

Okerlund : “Alright, by virtue of winning the Royal Rumble, we have a brand new World Wrestling Federation champion. As the press look on, at this time to present the title belt to the new champion, our president, the distinguished Jack Tunney.”
Tunney : “Congratulations, Ric Flair, on becoming the undisputed champion of the World Wrestling Federation.”
Flair : “Let me just say, after carrying the belt that proclaimed me the real world champion, I’m gonna tell you all, with a tear IN MY EYE, this is the greatest moment in my life. When you walk around in this life and you tell everybody you’re number one, the only way you get to stay number one, is to be number one. And this is the ONLY title in the wrestling world that makes you number one. When you are the king of the WWF, you rule the world, think about it like that, Mr Perfect, The Brain, Whoooo!”
Brain : “Let’s give a big one, Whooooooooooo! You did it. I was never so impressed with anything I saw in all my life, he went out there for over 60 minutes, never took a back step. Took it to Hogan, took it to the Undertaker, took it to whoever got in that ring, that’s why he is, and you can call him now, the real World Heavyweight Champion.”
Perfect : “Hey Bobby, We’re not the kind of guys to say we told you so, but we.. told you so.”
Okerlund : “Okay, very good. Ric Flair, you have made World… Put that cigarette out. You have made World Wrestling Federation history here tonight.”
Flair : “This is the greatest moment in my life. I wanna jump, I wanna party, but I gotta tell you like this, for the Hulk Hogans and the Macho Mans, and the Pipers and the Sids, now it’s Ric Flair and you all pay homage to the man, Whoooo! I love it. I love it. I love it!”

What a guy. What a match, what a promo. Made the belt seem such a big deal, made the new champion seem like such a big deal. Flair was on fire there and clearly meant every word. I’ll even forgive him saying “Macho Mans” instead of “Macho Men”, heh. Say whatever you want about Flair’s WWF run, if ever they showcased a talent to the best of their abilities, this was it. They made him look like an iron man. To be the Man, you’ve got to beat the Man, and here, Ric Flair was THE MAN. I think I’d rather watch this match then actually any of Flair’s heralded matches with Steamboat or Dusty or any of them. THIS is the match that made Flair in my eyes, he got in the ring with an entire roster and kept up with them for 60 minutes, and in any other Rumble his confrontations with Davey Boy, Boss Man, Piper or Hogan would stand out. One of the best performances of his career and by a country mile the best performance of Bobby Heenan’s career which added to this hour of perfect wrestling entertainment.

I really can’t be bothered comparing this to the other Rumbles, I think I’ve made it perfectly clear it’s in a class of it’s own and should be compared to all the other “best matches of all time.” I’ve laid here watching it from start to finish typing in the process. I can’t tell you how many times I had to rewind the tape to enable me to capture the exact words of some of the lines of commentary, but it was an absolute labour of love.

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s been an ABSOLUTE PLEASURE.